23rd February 2013

Most of the people reading this will know our story...

On Saturday 23rd February we had a service to celebrate the life of our beautiful baby girl Amy..
I shared on that day what was on my heart as did Emma..
Below are the notes of what I shared, they ALL still ring true..

So what is a father meant to say at a time like this, this is crazy crazy crazy a place we should never be but it's where we are.

Amy for over a year, fought an incredibly brave battle in very difficult days with outrageous strength, courage, bravery & grace.

And as her final days approached we as a family chose to face it with thankful hearts for 20 amazing years. For me today is not about what we don't have but about what we have been blessed with, by the life, beauty & person I was privileged to call my daughter & to be her daddy.

And it's with a heart of thankfulness that on behalf of my family I sincerely want to say thank you to every person that has prayed for us, supported us in whatever way. I want to thank those people that have stood by us & with us. To our amazing family & friends, thank you. To this incredible church family at TLC, to the pastors & leadership for everything you've done thank you.

When I think about Amy I only have good thoughts. She was always a good girl, we never had any problems with her growing up. Amys perfect night out was a night in with her family curled up on the sofa with Ben watching TV, with mum & dad playing gooseberry.

She loved home & she loved being at home

I suppose no tribute to Amy would be complete without mentioning JLS.
I used to say to her Amy you're 19 not 12 get over this.
But Amy didn't care. She loved JLS regardless of what anyone thought.

She got her dream to meet them, WOW did that lift her spirits. For weeks it was JLS this JLS that. Looking at her poster she would say to me... Dad I actually met them they hugged me they kissed me & called me babe. To which I'd remind her they give me a signed photo that said to the hottest girl in the world right now.....That's all I'm saying,

Then she got to see them in concert & Aston (her favourite) give her a shout out from the stage & got the odyssey to turn & wave to her. Amy was the centre of attention & she loved it. Once again it was JLS this & that for weeks.

And just last week I managed to get a wee video from them for her telling her to be strong. Amazing guys!! I'm not their number  fan tho I do have a t shirt but full respect to them

Also to Clic Sargent charity & in particular Laurena who have been an amazing support to Amy & to us as a family. They helped sort a lot of the JLS stuff and so much more.
In March a group of us will be dying our hair pink to raise money for Clic Sargent NI. There will be collection buckets on the way out if you'd like to donate.

Amy was always very loving even in her teens when most people that age don't want to be near their parents, Amy would walk arm in arm with us down the shopping centre or out in the street. she was always full of hugs & cuddles.
I remember one time when Amy was about 15 we'd been invited to a wedding party at an old work place. We'd been our normal selves, Emma & Amy had enjoyed themselves, from time to time sitting on daddy's knee as they did. A few hugs & pecks. A few days later in work a manager came to me and said Mark you have something very special with your girls. I've never seen a love like that between a father & teenage daughters. And another member of staff with teenage daughters was envious as her kids would never do that.

Amy was also incredibly funny and made us laugh a lot.

She once seen a cat crossing the road, and loudly proclaimed there's a Presbyterian cat, what she actually meant was pedestrian...
She asked Stuart who are you dressed up as.... Stuart said Superman, Amy said you're more like Barney Rubble...

A few days before she past away she out of the blue asked me 'Dad, what's you favourite thing in the world.' I said 'Right, now it's being with you. I then asked her 'What's your favourite thing in the world' Her immediate reply was 'Being with you, you big sloppy git'.

But above all as I said she had such outrageous strength & courage & selflessness.
She faced up to her battle with cancer with such bravery & determination. Through times of immense pain, she continued to battle.
Some people will say Amy lost her battle but for me I don't see it that way.

Amy is now in the arms of her heavenly daddy, she is perfect. Amy was created for heaven & to worship Jesus. We had the blessing of 20 years here with us, we dedicated her to God many years ago. she was always his, she's just gone home. but we will see her again in heaven & worship @ the feet of Jesus together.

And if that's losing I'm content for Amy & myself to be counted among the losers after all Jesus is for losers.

Amy was special, a special daughter, a special sister and a special auntie she absolutely idolised her wee nephew Logan. He was a gift from God & God sent him with that smile which brightened up Amy's face. All our faces

Finally my heart is thankful to my heavenly father. This has been a tough journey, but
I've never felt abandoned by God, I've never blamed God. Don't you either!
Certainly I've asked why, I've screamed it out in the night.

But sometimes just sometimes it's better to know God than to know why, maybe this is one of those times
someone reminded me lately Gods plans are always good & ill be looking for the good in this,

Many many people prayed for Amy for healing, for a miracle. Don't think because we are here today God didn't answer.
My sister told me the other night because God doesn't give the miracle we wanted or expected. Doesn't mean we didn't get a miracle.
Israel wanted a king they got a baby born in a stable, the nations needed a saviour to come rescue them they got a man on a cross between two thieves.
Gods ways are not our ways or his thoughts our thoughts. I'm more that contented in that.

I think if I could have anything, if I could start to see some good in this moment. What I would pray for is that the people who can hear my words would maybe for a moment put aside what you think about God, about Christianity, about church and maybe over the next while try find out what this whole God thing is really all about.

People have said to us many times over the past days about our strength as a family. But we are messes, what you see in us is the REAL God.  God in us & with us.
If I maybe so bold, in closing, as to ask you to check it for yourself, get along to church. You might find the real Jesus. And this church tomorrow or any Sunday is a good place to start


Amy is no longer with us here on earth, but she will live forever in our hearts. Love never dies.
Over the past few weeks we've laughed as a family we've cried as a family we've remembered many great times together. And we talked about heaven.

Amy is there.  And we'll see her again very soon.

Nite nite our precious baby girl. Mummy & daddy love you very much. We'll see you in the morning
God bless!!! Sleep tight.