23rd February 2013

Most of the people reading this will know our story...

On Saturday 23rd February we had a service to celebrate the life of our beautiful baby girl Amy..
I shared on that day what was on my heart as did Emma..
Below are the notes of what I shared, they ALL still ring true..

So what is a father meant to say at a time like this, this is crazy crazy crazy a place we should never be but it's where we are.

Amy for over a year, fought an incredibly brave battle in very difficult days with outrageous strength, courage, bravery & grace.

And as her final days approached we as a family chose to face it with thankful hearts for 20 amazing years. For me today is not about what we don't have but about what we have been blessed with, by the life, beauty & person I was privileged to call my daughter & to be her daddy.

And it's with a heart of thankfulness that on behalf of my family I sincerely want to say thank you to every person that has prayed for us, supported us in whatever way. I want to thank those people that have stood by us & with us. To our amazing family & friends, thank you. To this incredible church family at TLC, to the pastors & leadership for everything you've done thank you.

When I think about Amy I only have good thoughts. She was always a good girl, we never had any problems with her growing up. Amys perfect night out was a night in with her family curled up on the sofa with Ben watching TV, with mum & dad playing gooseberry.

She loved home & she loved being at home

I suppose no tribute to Amy would be complete without mentioning JLS.
I used to say to her Amy you're 19 not 12 get over this.
But Amy didn't care. She loved JLS regardless of what anyone thought.

She got her dream to meet them, WOW did that lift her spirits. For weeks it was JLS this JLS that. Looking at her poster she would say to me... Dad I actually met them they hugged me they kissed me & called me babe. To which I'd remind her they give me a signed photo that said to the hottest girl in the world right now.....That's all I'm saying,

Then she got to see them in concert & Aston (her favourite) give her a shout out from the stage & got the odyssey to turn & wave to her. Amy was the centre of attention & she loved it. Once again it was JLS this & that for weeks.

And just last week I managed to get a wee video from them for her telling her to be strong. Amazing guys!! I'm not their number  fan tho I do have a t shirt but full respect to them

Also to Clic Sargent charity & in particular Laurena who have been an amazing support to Amy & to us as a family. They helped sort a lot of the JLS stuff and so much more.
In March a group of us will be dying our hair pink to raise money for Clic Sargent NI. There will be collection buckets on the way out if you'd like to donate.

Amy was always very loving even in her teens when most people that age don't want to be near their parents, Amy would walk arm in arm with us down the shopping centre or out in the street. she was always full of hugs & cuddles.
I remember one time when Amy was about 15 we'd been invited to a wedding party at an old work place. We'd been our normal selves, Emma & Amy had enjoyed themselves, from time to time sitting on daddy's knee as they did. A few hugs & pecks. A few days later in work a manager came to me and said Mark you have something very special with your girls. I've never seen a love like that between a father & teenage daughters. And another member of staff with teenage daughters was envious as her kids would never do that.

Amy was also incredibly funny and made us laugh a lot.

She once seen a cat crossing the road, and loudly proclaimed there's a Presbyterian cat, what she actually meant was pedestrian...
She asked Stuart who are you dressed up as.... Stuart said Superman, Amy said you're more like Barney Rubble...

A few days before she past away she out of the blue asked me 'Dad, what's you favourite thing in the world.' I said 'Right, now it's being with you. I then asked her 'What's your favourite thing in the world' Her immediate reply was 'Being with you, you big sloppy git'.

But above all as I said she had such outrageous strength & courage & selflessness.
She faced up to her battle with cancer with such bravery & determination. Through times of immense pain, she continued to battle.
Some people will say Amy lost her battle but for me I don't see it that way.

Amy is now in the arms of her heavenly daddy, she is perfect. Amy was created for heaven & to worship Jesus. We had the blessing of 20 years here with us, we dedicated her to God many years ago. she was always his, she's just gone home. but we will see her again in heaven & worship @ the feet of Jesus together.

And if that's losing I'm content for Amy & myself to be counted among the losers after all Jesus is for losers.

Amy was special, a special daughter, a special sister and a special auntie she absolutely idolised her wee nephew Logan. He was a gift from God & God sent him with that smile which brightened up Amy's face. All our faces

Finally my heart is thankful to my heavenly father. This has been a tough journey, but
I've never felt abandoned by God, I've never blamed God. Don't you either!
Certainly I've asked why, I've screamed it out in the night.

But sometimes just sometimes it's better to know God than to know why, maybe this is one of those times
someone reminded me lately Gods plans are always good & ill be looking for the good in this,

Many many people prayed for Amy for healing, for a miracle. Don't think because we are here today God didn't answer.
My sister told me the other night because God doesn't give the miracle we wanted or expected. Doesn't mean we didn't get a miracle.
Israel wanted a king they got a baby born in a stable, the nations needed a saviour to come rescue them they got a man on a cross between two thieves.
Gods ways are not our ways or his thoughts our thoughts. I'm more that contented in that.

I think if I could have anything, if I could start to see some good in this moment. What I would pray for is that the people who can hear my words would maybe for a moment put aside what you think about God, about Christianity, about church and maybe over the next while try find out what this whole God thing is really all about.

People have said to us many times over the past days about our strength as a family. But we are messes, what you see in us is the REAL God.  God in us & with us.
If I maybe so bold, in closing, as to ask you to check it for yourself, get along to church. You might find the real Jesus. And this church tomorrow or any Sunday is a good place to start


Amy is no longer with us here on earth, but she will live forever in our hearts. Love never dies.
Over the past few weeks we've laughed as a family we've cried as a family we've remembered many great times together. And we talked about heaven.

Amy is there.  And we'll see her again very soon.

Nite nite our precious baby girl. Mummy & daddy love you very much. We'll see you in the morning
God bless!!! Sleep tight.

A poem for while you're away...

I'm not a big poetry fan but Steve Stockman's poems have always soothed, challenged, enhanced my soul, my thinking..
This poem has helped at this difficult time it acknowledge the grief in the humaness of our struggle with faith when it doesn't make sense.... But it's the only hope we have.

this is where we are...

Listening to...

Black Star Rider - All Hell Breaks Loose

Sugar & the Hi Low

Various Snow Patrol & Van Morrison

Reading...

Choosing To See - Mary Beth Chapman

There Are No Strong People - Jeff Lucas

Most  people reading this, I guess, know our story, just about 4 months ago our beautiful 20 year old daughter Amy went to be with Jesus. To some that maybe a bold statement, but to be honest, I 100% believe it, I believe she made that choice, I believe that's what she was created for to worship at the feet of Jesus and I believe I'll join her one day. It's the amazing hope we have this separation is just temporal....

This journey, this road our family has been chosen to travel is certainly difficult most definitely not of our choosing but it's where we are...  and it's from that perspective I write.


I've always been someone who's had an interest in blogging I've post a few on here... Mostly about music (I'm a fan) while on holiday recently I thought I like to share a bit of my story about what going on with me on this journey....


There are 2 things I'd like to write about first...probably 2 separate blogs...

One is about brokenness (when I'm broken)  and one is about the support of friends (a break in the clouds)

Hopefully get them up soon....

Pax

Favourite Music of 2012 (Part 2)

So here we go with some more of my favourite music of 2012

Jake Bugg - Self Titled
Jake Bugg to me just appeared outta nowhere, I think I came across him cause I'd read Northern Ireland's own Iain Archer was writing & producing him. This is an 18 year old with an old heart these are songs from another time but still very much for today. Songs about home about youth about attitude about wanting something better. Great stuff

The Lumineers - Self Titled
Now we're talking, great great tunes, you'll probably have eard these guys as Ho Hey is all over the tv. Beautiful songs that make me smile, these are simple songs that are all about the song. Do yourself a favour get a little lumineers in your life.

Mumford & Sons - Babel

Ok at the minute M & S is probably one of the most talked about bands out there, but in this the follow up to Sigh No More we see a development of what IS a great band with a great sound who now play massive rooms this is the sound to fill those rooms. If you search below the surface you'll find a lot of food for thought in the lyrics while your toe is tapping to the tunes.

l

Favourite Music of 2012

Most people that know me know I'm a big music fan, I love discovering new music and rediscovering gems from the past.

In no particular order here is some of my favourite cds of the past year.

Matthew Mayfield - A Banquet of Ghosts
Discovered this on www.noisetrade.com a great wee site with some amazing music....and it free. Something about this guys voice & the way it carries and is carried by the melody that grab my attention. Great tunes particularly love the track 'Take What I Can Get' & the bluesy 'Track You Down', 

Charlie Peacock - No Mans Land
Let's face it Mr Peacock is a musical genius. And this new album brings together all that great about him. Whether its a bit of soul, a bit of country a bit of folk. It's all here & it's all at home here. The combination of his soulful voice and the beautifully produced tunes is bliss. Highlights are the opening Death Trap, the folky soulfulness of Mystic as well as Kite in a Tree

Matthew Perryman Jones - Land Of The Living
Another discovery I made on Noisetrade a few years back, absolutely love what this guy does. Land Of The Living sees him take a step in a more musically intense direction though all the more stunning for it. It's surely an injustice he's not up there with the best of them. Lyrically this cd is full of what a man on the radio used to call depth charges, that slowly sink into your soul & explode with truth,

Bruce Springsteen - Wrecking Ball
Everybody loves a bit of Bruce. this is up there as one of my favourite of the past year this is the Boss at his best with a patriotic heart he addresses what he sees wrong and the hopelessness of his homeland. Great tunes with almost an overall Irish feel to it.

Chris Taylor -Frame the Light

There's something about Chris Taylor that resonates with me, there's something in his  music & his words that draw me in. I feel that through his songs I can see myself,I see my struggle, I see my search, I see my failings, I see my hope. I love this album, to these ears probably Chris's best album to date. musically Frame The Light takes me on a sonic journey. And on this journey we pass rock n Roll, some blues even a little electronica but all in the frame work of what I believe Chris does best & that's a man his voice, his hollow wooden instrument & his honest and open heart

More to follow....

a portal to the yet unknown!!

Sometimes people just come up with great ideas, wish I could. Anyway, theres this website called Noisetrade (www.noisetrade.com). The basic idea it would seem is to provide a vehicle for bands, artist etc to make their music available for free to anybody, everybody. Not exactly sure how I first came across it, but I did & let me tell you it has changed (for the better) my whole musical landscape.

The new music I've been introduced over the past year is some of the best I've ever come across.
Well theres Trent Dabbs and Matthew Perryman Jones, Josh Garrells Amy Stroup and so many more.
my next few blogs are gonna be reviews of some of this great music. if you haven't already I suggest you mossy on over & check it out.

This portal to the yet unknown could open up a whole new musical landscape

Gary Lightbody smiles a lot

He really does!!!



Recently, well probably about a year now, I've become quite an avid user of Twitter @markmews (sometimes you need your stalking in 140 characters or less).
So the other night I was all cosied up for a wee Saturday night in, you know that craic, (you do don't you?) and I just randomly fired up twitter on the aul HTC.
@snowpatrolband had tweeted they were gonna be sound checking at the City Hall in Belfast at 9pm so c'mon down.
I ,just as habit has it, read it out to those present (namely Jean, Amy and Ben.) Next thing I know I'm (as in we're) standing outside the City Hall in Belfast happed up to the 9s against the elements.
Also along the way we picked up some randomer (namely Andrew Reid, my bro).

So anyway we wait, next thing ya know the SP lad are out sound checking to what some have said was close to 5000 peeps.

Absolutely loved it.

Something about the music, the setting, the feel, that has recently drawn me to the Snow Patrol sound.

and if i was the public confessing type I may just divulge that after almost 30 years of U2 a the top I may now have a new favourite band

that's probably bout all i got to say.....

oh!!! Gary Lightbody smiles ALOT!!!!

here's some pics...the aforementioned randomer bro took....